Again I have failed at my blogging attempts.  Side tracked by leaving a job I hated and then finding two part time jobs I love.  I have more time to myself, which is something I cherish. I am a loner honestly, I try to be social, a part of groups, in performances, at events, and social. But I end up canceling myself out, either real life keeps me or I keep myself from going.  I have no issues with this cept when I see how alone I am sometimes,  Like soon I am getting married June 1, 2013.  And now I see how I am missing on more community cause I feel alone on planning the event. My fiance is amazing and helpful in every way but he works so so so much.  And the person letting me use their space is awesome but kinda let the space go.  I have to basically clean the house and the woods and yard alone before my own wedding.  The person is letting us have our wedding at a place i adored and hated living at for 3 years.  It is a BEAUTIFUL mtn top with a lovely river/creek, a stone altar I helped make, a fire pit, and a magikal feeling to the space.  It is the place I did many a naked ritual to find love, to release and mourn, and to find a way off the mtn.  I want my wedding to be in that spot with the people around us that we love and love us.  Sadly I have no idea how to ask for help.  I am starting to feel overwhelmed and our wedding is by no means complex or expensive.  It is just a ton of labor to make look good.  Like I said the kind friend has let his home go over the years dealing with personal matters.  And now I am in shock.  I know I can do it. I am tough and hard working but I am sad I think that I am doing it alone.  I know it is my own fault for being a loner.  But I feel like I have helped so many and no one is asking me if I need help. 
Anyway I could whine all day about the 6 weeks I have til the day.  I AM BLESSED my crown has been made, my dress will be made for me, my love is supportive with the fiances of the matter since I have no bride's family to pay for anything.  I just know the ones who care will show up and the ones who do not will fade away.  This is the most important damn thing I have ever done I am serious.  Marriage to me is a no kidding real deal event.  No to be taken lightly or as some road to divorce, I do not believe in divorce unless their is physical or mental abuse otherwise I think 2 people whatever race or sex or species saying vows to each other for the time on this rock is not something to just poop on.  I know folks who divorce like it is going out of style.  I said I WOULD never marry but I am, I WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS but there is gene reasons for that.  His genes are grand but I know my blood line and we were starting to fall apart.  Anyway I am just kinda shocked at the work I have to do.

I am no longer sending invites fuck that extra work and money I was going to but fuck that. I am going to facebook the address and tell people to call someone else there helping for directions. I really hope and pray people understand it is carpool cause there is a serious lack of parking.  But the day of the wedding i am not going to care.  I am going to get drunk, RAVEL in the love of my life, have a lovely ritual, eat cake and good potluck foods and drink more.  I refuse to let anything get to me on that day.   But up til that day I am ripping my hair out LOL.

On another note:
Groups on the internet are a bad idea unless they are fantasy based or simple.  When you create a group that is to WISE for the members then the members explode. I have now learned what it was like to put a group I made to rest for the sake of all the members and not the ones making drama.  I rather it be remembered for the good it did and not the ending it met.