Honestly, all I can think about right now is that I am getting married to the man of my dreams. He holds my heart in his hand and I am not afraid to show the world I adore him. The wedding is kinda whatever, stressful I guess cause you hope people who love you will come and witness this ritual but you start to realize that people are "into whatever cool scene" is happening. It sucks to find out that some party just planned is making some folks unsure they can come to the wedding since I only invited folks SINCE JANUARY. ouch. I want to tell them all if you REALLY have to consider our wedding over some other event then do not come to our wedding point blank. Cause really you should know BAM I am going to their wedding no question to see the lovely ritual of to people, to support someone who has always been kind to me...etc. But I am not the cool crowd really, nor do I want to be half the time cause the drama they love to eat.
I am kinda the outsider of the outsiders. Everyone remembers me doing this, working here and there, everyone knows me. But VERY FEW actually know me. I do not care what people think really, I just hate faking friendships. Speaking of faking it, I have decided once I have my new married name I am deleting my social network accounts, not my blogs, but the FB and Twitter. I am going to delete and start a new, as a new woman, as a new person Thus, time to clear up the fake persona. Allow real friends to be inside my head, cause I wear my heart on my sleeve, and sometimes I am to open on the Internet. But you know what, that is who I am, love it or leave it.
So with the new name, comes a new woman. I am so excited to be the wife of someone who treats me like a queen, makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman on earth, holds me, loves me so hard, and makes me laugh til I cannot stand laughing anymore. I never thought I would find love like this or deserve love like this. But I knew I had a twin soul out there. I always felt not whole, but now I feel hole. With his love I feel like the whole world could blow up but I know what love it now and care not what the fuck happens to all life....cause I know I found him again and plan to never lose him. No matter what sex, form, life, etc....we have been connected. And I refuse to lose him this time...I mean I cannot cheat death but we made agreements that will out live death. And on our wedding day the ritual will be cast, and we shall be whole in the eyes of THOSE WHO truly love and support us.
On another note I just found my tarot layout journal which I thought had been lost to mold at my old home. I thought I had burned it with many other items. BUT LOW AND BEHOLD there it is, all 68 readings and layout designs. I was working on a tarot layout book that could be used with ANY deck. A book that teaches you to think outside the Celtic cross and to create your own readings. I am so happy it was not destroyed! I added 3 new ones I have worked on. I promised a lady I know another reading and I need to give her this. I have done 7 readings in the last 2 years for PayPal money with people across the world. I read tarot for some lady in Australia. See I take pictures of the reading after skyping with the person, they send me a image of them self, I Skype with them...then channel out and do the reading. I take pictures of it and send it to them, they pay me after it all but I make then at least give me 20 bucks upfront. Then I charge a buck a min. And if I make them a custom reading. So far it is working. But the site I was going through is shady and may be kinda dangerous. I am considering getting my PayPal info off there soon and just working with the 4 people who already are return customers. I tend to prefer doing readings online via the net and not in person. See I read from 12 years on, I used to read at a store in my hometown when I was a teenager. I was a novelty trust me, people came to just have me read for them cause they thought I was cute, til I read for them and then they were singing a different song. I would skateboard to the shop, set up my table with my awesome tarot tapestry, layout at least 4-10 decks and let people choose which deck. I would do a basic for 5 bucks and a extending for 10 you wanted something special then 20. I made BANK during this little stores psychic fairs. I pissed off aged readers, cause I was cute and approachable. I quit reading face to fave for money in 2001 when I had 4 very weird people with WEIRD issues and it GOT FUCKING WEIRD. So I had this spirit tell me to stop making money, to do it for myself, or others who really needed it.
Well I needed extra cash and would do readings online for free them some how this lady in Chicago heard about me through a friend and begged me to read for her. I have now made some money off this lady and SHE SAYS I am helping her....I wish she would just buy her on deck cause really she should learn and do it for herself.. Why I have a hard time doing it for profit is I think it is so useful and fun people should just learn and do it for themselves especially people seeking a lot of answers. I told her this but a week later I did another reading for her, her reason is she is to busy to bother learning. I think that is a pile of shit. You SHOULD NEVER BE TO BUSY TO LEARN SOMETHING. But oh well....She has a lot of heartache and loss so I think I am her therapy. Anyway, I have no idea why I just went on and on about all that. Maybe cause I am thinking about this book more seriously. I have another book I have been dabbling with but it is a mess of streams on consciousness. I just hope I get published again. I have been published 2 times but by obscure publishers about the topic of Discordia. A post for another day.
So full moon lunar eclipse in SAG right before our wedding....BRING IT!....I am so happy and whatever like someone said to me the people who SHOULD be there WILL be there all the rest, it is their loss. May you keep learning, never stop, and you always have time to learn.
