ah the honest truth i hate being jealous.

Reading social network posts is like shooting myself in the head over and over. I have several hard working and wonderful friends and strangers in my feeds. But I hate when......THEY TALK ABOUT TRAVELING...oh people I love to travel. I love going places and doing things. Adventures, weird food, new ghosts, things like that. But how hard is it to read about all these adventures and be trapped in your room in the lovely blessed woods....thank you universe but...I wanna GO SOMEWHERE TOO DAMNIT. I am a firey person, I need stimualtion...the internet is all I have and I do HAVE AN AMAZING BOYFRIEND I must give the fact that love found me and kicked my ass a HIGH FIVE but he works all the time. I know he would let me drive his car and take us on adventures but alas....he is a slave like I once was. I used to hold up to three jobs at a time. I at least TAKE THREE IMPORTANT TRIPS A YEAR. I try and beg everyone to get me to a local "burn art thingy", a weird mountain of magic covered in faboulus fairies, and one other journey this year I think it may be a local festival I might be performing in. Once again waiting to see if I have a RIDE to it.
So whining aside...I dream of the beach, other countires, hell just going to the other side of town and back sounds amazing.
Ah....life is funny. I have an AMAZING NEW LOVE IN MY LIFE BLESS AND THANK him...but I lack a car, job, and traveling. Before I had AWFUL relationships...the car...the job...the travels. ODD. It seems to be a theme in my lil weird life. I wonder how many other people feel this weird circle. And are we making the circle by doubting and acknowledging or is the weird circle beyond our making. I must honestly say I have NEVER had LOVE LIKE THIS BEFORE EVER. And I am not trying to be a big whiner about the rest of the journey. But dang...can you ever have all you need and want? Espically if you are not an evil power, greed driven, monster materlistic cow?> yeah I wonder.

So on that note...
MORE BAD POETRY!!!

My hands are dry
I am made of mountains and moonshine
but sometimes my feet and hands
need to sink into sand
my hollar lungs need to

breathe in salt

I rather be in hills and caves
then flat sprawling coastal waves
but sometimes my ole hillbilly soul
needs to

breathe in salt

Sometimes I get a hunger
for something not growing on moss
i get a hungar for
something growing in the sea
i want to taste in my mouth

the salt

i could never be a flat lander
all walking in straight flat lines
but sometimes I just need a visit
a little escape to smell, feel, and taste

salt.



COME ON UNIVERSE I GAVE PEOPLE RIDES TO THE MOON AND BACK WHERE IS MY BEACH RIDE....
continues to TRY and not be JEALOUS cause it never gets anything done but make you more mad.
Jealousy just makes the lucky more lucky.


indeed.

it has been decided.

vaulable time has been taken out
to kiss the asses of the underserving
I am done. Tell me I have to jump

through hoops to be in your little popular party
tell me I have prove to you I know what I do
tell me after years ago before you even walked these streets

when I ran from the cops to share wisdom
that I have to prove to you I know what I do?

this new turn is bugging me. why need groups
be solo again. why need to prove myself to anyone
rather then be "approved" by the management I think
I will run my own show.

to many rules and roles to play anyway
I rather have my own wits about me
cause I was once the only one running
I know what I do and I do it DAMN well.

23 years of knowledge out weighs your few years

i may cause a ruckus when i take the management down.

your welcome for the ladder, please climb it at your own speed.
i will be at the bottom
holding it steady as you climb higher and higher...
til you see whatever is up there.

I will tip the ladder when you scream

i completely need to hush my mouth.

Far out away from everyone
you can see through people
like x-rays
everyone has an agenda
everyone has a plan
I have nothing but silence and time
I am lucky for this
I could share the dreaming with anyone
but I learn to share it
 with no one
In silence more peace
less pretending to listen
less time wasted trying to be seen
more time to lay down and day dream
more time to forget why
i woke up in the first place

they say hello
but they are all hollow faces
the announce sovereignty
but they whisper friendship
this town is full of them
charletens and performers
this town is full of their tedious
performances and shallow attempts
to claim community when they
rarely give back
when did these roads swell and change
when did the home I knew become
taken, replaced and forgotten
the old walls, the old streets
withering in the memories of only
a few who remain I was promised to protect
this tiny place to make sure
no fools take it and uncoil it
I have failed
I let those that came after
forget those that came before.

As if I have always known it would come to this...cutting strings.  Strings that have been strangling my neck for years, new strings that keep being dodged and swatted away. Time to reel in the strings I rather not waste all my time trying to sew up a connection when my strings should tie and slip around the waists of others. I extended my threads...now they become tangled and ripping. They come undone and slipped down from those that challenged me.